I fell in love last year for the first time in my life. It could be argued that I started to love this boy long before 2007, but the truth is that it wasn't till March '07 that I started letting myself wrap my head around the love idea. I began to feel what it would be like without him in my life and that was a feeling that I couldn't bare to live with. For the first time I knew what it meant to completely let go of someone, trusting only in my heart that he would find his way back to me. Luckily enough for me, it didn't take him too long. At this point I wasn't convinced that I was ready for the whole idea of marriage and honestly, there was a part of me that was certain that him leaving in July would serve as our easy out clause. However, in a matter of a months time I was able to see what he would go through in order to keep me happy and safe. For a solid month he never left my side, whenever I needed him he was there. I was scared and he knew it, never leaving me along during that time.
Seeing this showed me how much he loved me and it wasn't too long before I would surprise myself with how much I loved him in return. The most painful hour I have ever experience. He had just a few more shirts to add to his already too full suitcase and I was sat there on the couch, watching has time ticked by. The way to the airport I kept thinking that this was all just a dream. That I would wake up and it would be June still. I was completely taken over by every emotional possible and the lack of sleep did nothing to help the situation. For over a year we knew that this day would come, and there wasn't enough time in the world to help prepare us for it. I remember driving back to my apartment, taking the long way home. Just in case he decided to stay, just in case he realized that his basketball dreams weren't all that important. But I knew that this was something that he needed to do, and I wanted to support him in every way. I walked into my living room that was drenched with his basketball shorts and CD cases that he chose to leave behind with me. The whole thing, well sucked, and what made it more painful was knowing that we were bringing all of this pain onto ourselves. We knew that we were the ones keeping us apart and that is really hard to deal with.
I guess that time really does have a way to make the pain hurt less, but there was nothing that could ever make me miss him any less. It was about a month into this long distance relationship that I realized I loved this guy, and that made all the pain worth it.
I had decided to take my nephews to a friends to go swimming, While I was inside getting lunch my sister's friend began to ask me how things were going with the boy across the pond. I told her that it worked out well because we can email and text. She started in about how much I must really care about him, letting him live his dream and knowing it's only for a little bit. The more she talked the more I realized what I had been feeling since he had left, and before I knew it I was crying in this stranger's kitchen. On the way home that day my sister and I didn't really say much. Once we got into our neighborhood she asked if I was ok, I nodded. She then mentioned that she didn't realize how much I felt for him, and again I just noddoe. There was about three additional minutes of silence until we pulled in the driveway. She turned the car off and looked at me, "You're gonna marry him aren't you?" and without hesitation, and with a quick smile... I nodded.
Seeing this showed me how much he loved me and it wasn't too long before I would surprise myself with how much I loved him in return. The most painful hour I have ever experience. He had just a few more shirts to add to his already too full suitcase and I was sat there on the couch, watching has time ticked by. The way to the airport I kept thinking that this was all just a dream. That I would wake up and it would be June still. I was completely taken over by every emotional possible and the lack of sleep did nothing to help the situation. For over a year we knew that this day would come, and there wasn't enough time in the world to help prepare us for it. I remember driving back to my apartment, taking the long way home. Just in case he decided to stay, just in case he realized that his basketball dreams weren't all that important. But I knew that this was something that he needed to do, and I wanted to support him in every way. I walked into my living room that was drenched with his basketball shorts and CD cases that he chose to leave behind with me. The whole thing, well sucked, and what made it more painful was knowing that we were bringing all of this pain onto ourselves. We knew that we were the ones keeping us apart and that is really hard to deal with.
I guess that time really does have a way to make the pain hurt less, but there was nothing that could ever make me miss him any less. It was about a month into this long distance relationship that I realized I loved this guy, and that made all the pain worth it.
I had decided to take my nephews to a friends to go swimming, While I was inside getting lunch my sister's friend began to ask me how things were going with the boy across the pond. I told her that it worked out well because we can email and text. She started in about how much I must really care about him, letting him live his dream and knowing it's only for a little bit. The more she talked the more I realized what I had been feeling since he had left, and before I knew it I was crying in this stranger's kitchen. On the way home that day my sister and I didn't really say much. Once we got into our neighborhood she asked if I was ok, I nodded. She then mentioned that she didn't realize how much I felt for him, and again I just noddoe. There was about three additional minutes of silence until we pulled in the driveway. She turned the car off and looked at me, "You're gonna marry him aren't you?" and without hesitation, and with a quick smile... I nodded.
0 comments:
Post a Comment